Lackey of the people

Marinscope papers – Newspointer October 21-27, 1992


by Dwayne Hunn

Monday morning: Sacramento Office of Long Term Paining (OLTP). Joe wore his sunglasses, landed his shaky cup of black coffee aside his 486 bit Baby Blue, rubbed his temples, flicked on his monitor and checked for recent file events from the land of NIMBYs;

“Another lost weekend at Fourth Street Tavern, eh, Mr. Sixpack?” Melissa said, sashaying by in a tight, but shoulderless, dress. “By the way Shurkit wants to see you.”


“The beer in your gut put wax in your ears?  The   boss, U.S. Shirkit, wants to S-E-E Y-O-U.”

“Heard you. Say, what’s wrong with Sally Army’s fashion rack? They run out of shoulder patches?”

“Sweet Joe… Go see if you’re a budget prune.”

 The blue lettering of Ulysses vs. Shirkit, Director stood out on the open door. As Ulysses saw Joe, he cupped his phone and motioned him in. Joe looked around the room as he. waited for the phone conversation to end.  Mr. Shirkit had his power blue suit coat hanging on a wall hook near the pictures of him with Reagan, Bush and Wayne Newton. As Joe began to peer at some of the other memorabilia, Mr. Shirkit’s phone conversation ended.

“Sit here, Joe. Joe. as you know, Governor Wilson has been fighting hard to chop the fat out of the bureaucracy. Trying to cut those 108 public information officers on the Assembly and Senate staffs is part of his battle. We too must do our part..

“You’ve done a job compiling information on issues affecting California’s North Bay! Such a good job that I want you to assume some of our released public information officer’s duties.

“You’ll be responsible for responding to constituent concerns… Any questions? Okay, check your mail bin.”    –

Sure enough. Joe returned to a filled mail tray. Joe put his 100% UVA protected Blue Lights back on, titled back and read.


Mazlo Routh

69Seabring Way

San Rafael, CA

Dear Governor Wilson:

Hope you’re having a good day! I figure that you could have a better day if you could save a few more bucks. So, as a citizen who’s concerned about grace, doing away with government waste and putting as much excellence in governing as Rush does in broadcasting, I’m offering some level headed big buck savings. The other day I was reading the newspaper (as lots more others should). After doing so. I went to my City’s Council meeting (also as lots more others should). You know why I went? Because one of our BIG government agencies want to cement away a BIG HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS of our hard earned tax dollars! Want to know what on? On widening our 101 freeway!

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. I like freeways. Once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, but I still like them. Also liked it when they widened the 101 freeway a few years ago. Wasn’t so sure that I liked the big sound walls they put up, though.

Now, I got real concerns about wastes and short-sightedness. You see, Caltrans, this big agency that works for you, wants to knock down this big, expensive wall they just put up with my tax bucks, pick up the railroad tracks behind it (By the way, did you see the historical Roger Rabbit movie about how LA lost their rail line? If you were in Washington or San Diego working and missed it, you could rent it. Video Droid has it for $2.50) and promise to replace them on the other side of the freeway on some other day.

Problem is real people live in houses on the other side where Caltrans promises to relay the track. Of course, they don’t say when or how much it would cost to lay track where those houses now are. Sounds like this could Wound a bunch of Knees. (Get the point of my arrow, Chief?)

You could probably tell I’m pretty well read and traveled. Cosmopolitan like: Been to Europe too. Eurorailed everywhere (almost) on trains. So in addition to being a member of the Grace Commission vs. Government Waste, I also like trains (although I am not yet a Charter Member of any train commission).

You know, this cacamainey Caltrans plan seems like some resurrected Commie plot. Think about this. Tracks run throughout our great state. But take them out of a few communities and what happens to our interconnected American rail.system? (It’s like losing a couple pieces of a great. puzzle.) When we had the earthquake, freeways crumbled. What happened to rail? Rail track hardly got bent! Trains can’t work. when you hopscotch pieces of the track. We need them connected to handle disasters and, God forbid, combat an invasion..

I, for one, like you, for two, don’t like second best! I don’t like it that we have about the world’s 44th best rail system and I know that sooner or later — maybe right after we fix the budget we’ll start making our rail system the best! Please look into this. Don’t let those big government guys waste my money. Don’t let them steel the iron that Won the West! Don’t force east San Rafael folks to circle their Winnebagos against phony government taking

Please let me know you’ll be standing strongly on the tracks! I remain —

Your steadfastly environmentally aware constituent

  Mazlo Routh

Joe rolled his eyes, slid his sunglasses off his nose, picked, scratched and muttered, as he went off to the bathroom.


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